Charity begins at home

March 8th, 2012 by The Doctor

Greetings fellow earthings!

Many years ago when my judgement was manifestly impaired by living the wild bohemian life of a rock star, I foolishly made a commitment to send a monthly payment to a large international charity on behalf of a small African boy whose name I dont recall.

Soon my kids will be sponsoring that boys grandkids, and things haven’t really improved a lot in sub-Saharan Africa, have they? Now, I wish these people well and everything, but since when did they become my responsibility? There are millions of desperately poor people fucking everywhere on our little blue planet and the practical best I can do for most of them is to wish them a speedy and painless death.
If their parents had access to some condoms, they wouldn’t be in this mess, would they? Breeding your way out of poverty is kind of like spending your way out of debt. It might make you forget about the mess you are in for a little while, but in the end your arse is going to be even more thoroughly violated by satans enormous throbbing cock.

Charities have become expert at guilt-tripping you into giving them money, but very little of it ends up improving the lives of the poor bastards they claim to be helping. Last year that otherwise laughable tabloid the Daily Telegraph printed this handy chart on where your donations are spent, and the Labor goverment committed $53.6 million of our money over the next four years to set up a new independent regulator called the Australian Charities and Not-for-Profits Commission (ACNC).

You can change the world for the better, by starting in your own backyard.

If you are so inclined why not give your spare beer-money to a legitimate charity of your choice in the city you live in, then you may actually live to see the results of your do-gooding.

Be kind to your neighbours, take the time to talk and listen to lonely or elderly people that you know.

Be nice to each other, let people in line go ahead of you, give money to buskers, give blood, become an organ donor, don’t buy shit that you don’t need… and smile at people.

Problem solved, world saved.


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