MOVE it or lose it !

October 25th, 2011 by The Doctor


Greetings disenfranchised youth!

As you may be aware, I love bacon. I don’t have any moral objection to eating tasty pig-flesh, but I do insist on free-range. Same goes for my eggs, chickens are sadly failures at being birds because they cant even fly, but even I find it disgraceful that they are largely forced to live in dirtier and more confined conditions than most uni students.

The MOVE organisation in Philadelphia in the mid eighties took their passion for animals rights to even more insane and pointless lengths than PETA. Led by their charismatic leader John Africa, the anarchist collective moved into a large apartment building where they loudly (with loud-speakers) denounced zoos and society in general for their mistreatment of animals.

The MOVE people were keen recyclers, but a bit lazy with the whole sorting cans and papers thing, so they just threw their rubbish and shit out the windows where it piled up outside creating an epic stench and a home for thousands of cockroaches, rats and other vermin which the MOVE members refused to kill on moral grounds.

Eventually their neighbours got sick of the noise and the scurrying of disease-laden vermin and the cops turned up to throw them out. A gun battle erupted and one fatality and 18 injuries later, the MOVE collective were forced out.

Several years later John Africa and his cohorts were up to their usual shennannigans at a new MOVE house in West Philadelephia. The cops were feeling a bit less tactful this time and after another confrontation and exchange of gunfire dropped a big fucking bomb from a helicopter onto the house at 6221 Osage Avenue, killing eleven people including John Africa, five other adults and five children. The resulting blaze spread out of control through the largely black neighbourhood and destroyed 65 adjacent houses.

So remember kids, don’t litter and always buy (or shoplift) free-range!

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