Cigarette Packet Warnings

September 10th, 2009 by The Doctor

How awful it is to be a smoker in the 21st century?

Stuck between needing to deter smokers in the face of enormous health risks, yet addicted to the mountains of tax dollars the filthy (yet legal) habit brings in, The Government is compelled to act.

What to do? Wallow in hypocrisy!

First it was the dire warnings on the fliptop of the pack like SMOKING KILLS. Then, working on the assumption that a picture is worth a thousand words (and 1,000 words would be very hard to fit on a cigarette pack, even if you wrote really, really small), the written warnings were replaced with pictures designed to produce horror and revulsion in smokers.

Every time I would go to light up I’m confronted with graphic pictures of…

A BABY (Oh, that will surely evoke the dread horror of parental responsibility and unwanted pregnancy – a big arse and a lifetime of unglamorous thankless drudgery and wrinkle-inducing worry) I fumbled the pack closed and headed into the nearest chemist to stock up on condoms.

A GRAPH (Deep in the primal reptile brain there is sphincter-clenching shudder of stark terror at memories of having to sit through interminable, boring pointless Powerpoint presentations)

Horrible pictures of Bleeding BRAINS, festering LUNGS, Horrible EYES/Arseholes and something that looks like a dogs PENIS

Coming soon: A poker machine with pictures of PENNILESS SUCKERS that punches you in the face as you feed it your rent money,
a slab of VB with pictures of CAR WRECKS and BATTERED WIVES on it, your McDonalds placemat with pictures of a MORBIDLY OBESE guy being lifted by a crane into a truck to be taken to hospital.

Just keep the tax dollars rolling in!


Eilert Pilarm – The Swedish Elvis !

August 31st, 2009 by The Doctor

Eilert Pilarm has not let a total lack of any discernable musical talent stop him from boldly forging a career for himself (then again, neither have I).

In a world where there are so many strange and frightening Elvis impersonators, you have to be a very special artist to stand out from the crowd. Aside from bearing absolutely no physical resemblance at all to the departed old fat guy from Memphis, Eilert also has a very slim grip on the English language. (I must admit that I don’t speak any Swedish at all…)

Listen to “Jailhouse Rock” (You Tube)


The White-est Guy In The World

I also strongly recommend that you check out Irwin Chusid’s awesome book and double CD on Outsider Music –

Songs In The Key Of Z.

Your life will be enriched as you listen to (and read about) Eilert Pilarm, The Shaggs, Daniel Johnston, Wesley Willis, Shooby Taylor…


August 14th, 2009 by The Doctor

bacon_v1First celebrated in  2007, Baconfest has become an institution in suburban Sydney Australia.
The Doctor and a handful of bacon-hungry volunteers have been enjoying the annual celebration of Bacon long before Epic Meal Time appeared on the internets. I would especially like to thank loyal bacon enthusiasts Max and Zig for helping make this years BaconFest the best so far!

The Three Pillars Of BaconFest :



All pork p

Should I Buy A Snuggie?

August 8th, 2009 by The Doctor

Questions, questions.

Modern life is full of difficult decisions:

Should I eat the placenta?

Should I vote Family First?

Would a tattoo of a swastika on my forehead be the cause of regret upon sober reflection?

Fortunately someone at Graphjam is tackling the BIG QUESTIONS for us. Dr Maz salutes you !
song chart memes
see more Funny Graphs“>

Jihad On Dr Maz !

July 24th, 2009 by The Doctor

Bin Laden Speaks

The Thing With Two Heads

July 23rd, 2009 by The Doctor


Ever wonder what it would be like to have the severed head of a surly fat racist surgically attached to your body alongside your own ridiculously-shaped melon?
Of course you have!
Well wonder no more – after you watch this little gem from 1972.


Or how about the eye-rolling overacting head of a deranged criminal sewn onto the body of an enormous
drooling cretin? Better check out The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant and satisfy your curiosity.


The Doctor also highly recommends an hour and a half spent watching the bizarre Japanese horror film The Manster (Best Movie Title guys!!) for another dose of two-heads are better than one.

Round off your evening by listening to “I’m with Stupid” by NY thrash metal heroes Scatterbrain!

You hunger for culture.
Doctor Maz delivers!

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