HTTP Error Codes Explained.

September 21st, 2009 by The Doctor


If there’s one thing Doctor Maz knows about apart from women, it’s HTTP error codes. Yeh, pretty smooth and it impresses the heck out of the ladies!

In a spirit of global brotherhood, The Doctor explains HTTP Error Codes for the REAL WORLD.

It’s Saturday night and you are in the mood for love.
That girl you drunkenly met at the bar wants to come home with you, but first you gotta give her $350? Slip out the back door when she’s not looking.
Error 402 – Payment Required.


You are at a party, she looks 19 and you’re getting on great, she laughs at all your jokes and she is so damn sexy when she dances. Then she lets slip that she will be doing her year 10 exams next year. A prison sentence looms in your future. Slip out of the room and hope no-one saw you chatting to her!
Error 403 – Forbidden.


You think it may be time to get out of there, you look around for your designated driver. He just drove off with Miss Jailbait, leaving you stranded.
Error 404 – Not Found


You walk into the kitchen and her mum starts drunkenly coming on to you. Is that a Snuggie that she’s wearing?
Error 406 – Not acceptable.


Snuggie Mum has you pinned against the wall, breathing vodka all over you and licking your neck when who should walk in but her truck driver husband. Is that a claw hammer in his hand?
Error 409 – Conflict


After some fast talking you escape into the backyard and a very pretty girl takes a big interest in you. Unfortunately her tight shorts are the size of two pillow cases and her head is as big as a watermelon.
Error 413 – Request Entity Too Large


Its getting late, there is only light beer left. Cut your losses, ring a cab and get out of there. There’s always next weekend.
Error 417 – Expectation Failed

Cigarette Packet Warnings

September 10th, 2009 by The Doctor


How awful it is to be a smoker in the 21st century?

Stuck between needing to deter smokers in the face of enormous health risks, yet addicted to the mountains of tax dollars the filthy (yet legal) habit brings in, The Government is compelled to act.

What to do? Wallow in hypocrisy!

First it was the dire warnings on the fliptop of the pack like SMOKING KILLS. Then, working on the assumption that a picture is worth a thousand words (and 1,000 words would be very hard to fit on a cigarette pack, even if you wrote really, really small), the written warnings were replaced with pictures designed to produce horror and revulsion in smokers.

Every time I would go to light up I’m confronted with graphic pictures of…

A BABY (Oh, that will surely evoke the dread horror of parental responsibility and unwanted pregnancy – a big arse and a lifetime of unglamorous thankless drudgery and wrinkle-inducing worry) I fumbled the pack closed and headed into the nearest chemist to stock up on condoms.

A GRAPH (Deep in the primal reptile brain there is sphincter-clenching shudder of stark terror at memories of having to sit through interminable, boring pointless Powerpoint presentations)

Horrible pictures of Bleeding BRAINS, festering LUNGS, Horrible EYES/Arseholes and something that looks like a dogs PENIS

Coming soon: A poker machine with pictures of PENNILESS SUCKERS that punches you in the face as you feed it your rent money,
a slab of VB with pictures of CAR WRECKS and BATTERED WIVES on it, your McDonalds placemat with pictures of a MORBIDLY OBESE guy being lifted by a crane into a truck to be taken to hospital.

Just keep the tax dollars rolling in!

cigarettepacket

Eilert Pilarm – The Swedish Elvis !

August 31st, 2009 by The Doctor


Eilert Pilarm has not let a total lack of any discernable musical talent stop him from boldly forging a career for himself (then again, neither have I).

In a world where there are so many strange and frightening Elvis impersonators, you have to be a very special artist to stand out from the crowd. Aside from bearing absolutely no physical resemblance at all to the departed old fat guy from Memphis, Eilert also has a very slim grip on the English language. (I must admit that I don’t speak any Swedish at all…)

Listen to “Jailhouse Rock” (You Tube)

eilert_0

The White-est Guy In The World

I also strongly recommend that you check out Irwin Chusid’s awesome book and double CD on Outsider Music –

Songs In The Key Of Z.

Your life will be enriched as you listen to (and read about) Eilert Pilarm, The Shaggs, Daniel Johnston, Wesley Willis, Shooby Taylor…

BaconFest

August 14th, 2009 by The Doctor


bacon_v1First celebrated in  2007, Baconfest has become an institution in suburban Sydney Australia.
The Doctor and a handful of bacon-hungry volunteers have been enjoying the annual celebration of Bacon long before Epic Meal Time appeared on the internets. I would especially like to thank loyal bacon enthusiasts Max and Zig for helping make this years BaconFest the best so far!

The Three Pillars Of BaconFest :

BACON

FUN

HEAVY METAL MUSIC
All pork p

Should I Buy A Snuggie?

August 8th, 2009 by The Doctor


Questions, questions.

Modern life is full of difficult decisions:

Should I eat the placenta?

Should I vote Family First?

Would a tattoo of a swastika on my forehead be the cause of regret upon sober reflection?

Fortunately someone at Graphjam is tackling the BIG QUESTIONS for us. Dr Maz salutes you !
song chart memes
see more Funny Graphs“>

Jihad On Dr Maz !

July 24th, 2009 by The Doctor


Bin Laden Speaks


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