Box-Office Kiss-Of-Death

June 22nd, 2009 by The Doctor


Just because you pretended to be somebody else in a movie doesn’t mean I wanna see you again and again in a hundred other movies, alright?
You are still an annoying, egotistical, deranged prat I don’t wanna see you in a movie at all.
YOU aren’t worth your multi-million dollar fee. To me, you are the Box-Office Kiss Of Death & I will not waste 14 bucks and 120 minutes of my life to watch you pull faces in front of a camera.

This means you:

Tom Cruise, Jack Black, Matt Damon, Jim Carey, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tom Hanks, Ben Affleck.

The Snuggie

June 20th, 2009 by The Doctor


WTF??? Have you seen the infomercial for this ridiculous garment?

It’s a blanket with arms! It’s a cult outfit! It’s a circus-tent sized covering for the morbidly obese!

This is (along with the muu-muu and tracky dacks) the kind of garment that you will GROW INTO. If you are a couch potato, inside the voluminous folds of The Snuggie your ever-expanding girth will be readily accommodated. You had better buy one in each of the three colours, as eventually this will be the only item in your wardrobe that you will fit into!

Check out the stoopid ad:
Snuggie TV Ad

Never mind the bollocks, here’s The Shaggs!

June 12th, 2009 by The Doctor



The Wiggins sisters didn’t have an awful lot to do, growing up in the dusty backwater of Freemont, New Hampshire under the watchful eye of their controlling father.

In 1968 their dad bought his daughters some el-cheapo guitars and a drum kit, a quick few lessons(!) and at his insistance, they formed a rock band called the Shaggs.

Frank Zappa later famously declared them “better than The Beatles”, and for my money they certainly are.

The following year they were herded into the studio and produced one of the most amazing records of all time – Philosophy Of The World.

You really have to listen to The Shaggs to appreciate the transcendent, insane beauty of their music.

Music writer Michael “Cub Koda” comes close in his description:

“There’s an innocence to these songs and their performances that’s both charming and unsettling. Hacked-at drumbeats, whacked-around chords, songs that seem to have little or no meter to them … being played on out-of-tune, pawn-shop-quality guitars all converge, creating dissonance and beauty, chaos and tranquility, causing any listener coming to this music to rearrange any pre-existing notions about the relationships between talent, originality, and ability. There is no album you might own that sounds remotely like this one.”

Now handily re-issued on the recently popular CD format, it is impossible not to feel happy when listening to The Shaggs.

The Pacific Trash Vortex

June 12th, 2009 by The Doctor


bottled water
Sounds like a great name for a band, but alas it is actually an enormous mass of plastic rubbish slowly swirling in the northern Pacific Ocean. It is thought to be composed of an estimated 100 MILLION TONS of plastic and other trash thrown by inconsiderate cretins into the sea. Thats a hell of a lot of water bottles. Kinda makes The Doctor glad that he only drinks tea or goats blood.

Oliver Reed

June 11th, 2009 by The Doctor


Always drunk. Often drunk on TV. We love you for it. And for Ken Russells’ “The Devils”.

MK ULTRA

June 8th, 2009 by The Doctor


hypno-spiral

Oh, those whacky funsters at the CIA! When they were not toppling democratically elected Central American governments, or financing right-wing death squads, they found the time in the early 60s to dose unwitting Americans with LSD. Secret CIA mind control experiments seemed like a good idea, and after trying several compounds they decided to test giving unsuspecting staff and civilians LSD. The plan was hatched , and code-named MK ULTRA. Of course it soon became apparent to the victims of these “experiments” when they started hallucinating Cthulu looming in front of them in the street, or imagined they could fly and leapt out of windows to their demise.

Presumably they decided in the end that the best and most reliable method of mass mind control was already at their disposal – commercial television and pop music.


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