Show Us Yer Colours

May 16th, 2019 by The Doctor

Greetings weary travellers!

What do LA street gangs and dogs with emotional disturbances have in common?


As every schoolboy knows, for many decades the suburban neighborhoods of Los Angeles have been divided up by rival gangs who are constantly shooting and killing each other over drugs, territory and bewilderingly ostentatious displays of machismo.
The Bloods are distinguished by their gang hand signs, graffiti tags and especially their displaying of the color Red.
The Crips adopted the color Blue.
Getting caught in the wrong place wearing the wrong hue can literally cost you your life…

You may not be aware, there is also an internationally-recognised color code for dogs.
A dog’s collar or leash, (or perhaps a rakish bandana) may be color-coded to let you know something important about a dog you see on the street or at the park.

Red – Caution (Leave me alone, or I will totally fucking eat your child’s face)

Orange – I like people, but not other dogs (I will kill your dog and shake it like a martini)

Green – Friendly ( I will rub my erect penis against your leg)

White – I am blind. Or deaf. Or both (I could be the Helen Keller of dogs)

Yellow – I am very nervous. (I will likely piss myself if you make eye contact with me.)

Purple – Don’t feed me. I may be ill, (or my owner is vegan, and recently decided that therefore I am too. Soon I will die.)

Blue – I am a service dog in training. (School is in, playtime is later. OK?)

So dear reader, be careful whose dog you pat (or attempt to fellate).

And if you are color-blind, it would be best you stay away from East L.A (or just avoid Los Angeles altogether – it’s a hole).


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