Storm In An “A” Cup

October 30th, 2014 by The Doctor

Greetings fellow puritans!
Being a Doctor and a man renowned for his moral fibre, I had been thus far unaware of the recent popularity of the new craze of “fapping” among certain young people. Apparently this pastime often involves the viewing of questionable material involving young ladies in various states of undress.
Bewildered but consumed as usual by anthropological curiosity I asked one of my interns, Fingerless Joe to investigate and report back to me on this phenomenon. ( Fingerless Joe was once himself in the thrall of that evil vice known as masturbation until he lost all ten of his fingers to a nasty stage diving accident involving a 12 inch Zildjian splash cymbal at an all-ages punk/ $2 schooner night at the Manly Fishos Club in 2004)

The Australian Censorship Board (How is this even still a thing?!) decided a few years back that “images of small-breasted women” somehow/almost constituted child pornography and have therefore banned any images or movies containing them. Australians being an obedient lot, and not wanting the government to be burdened with the need to build hundreds of new prisons to punish all the offenders, we quietly accepted the wisdom of our betters.
Therefore ladies if you happen to have small breasts, I suggest only getting undressed in a darkened room lest you find yourself catching a glimpse of your own tidy morsels and slipping into degenerate or antisocial behaviour. If you are a man and your wife/girlfriend/sister/ mum/tinder date has anything less than a pair of solid “C” cup boobs, you may want to just take a plastic spoon and gouge out your own dirty rock-spider eyeballs before you incur the wrath of Those Who Watch Us All In Canberra.

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