Posts Tagged ‘censorship’

Storm In An “A” Cup

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

Greetings fellow puritans!
Being a Doctor and a man renowned for his moral fibre, I had been thus far unaware of the recent popularity of the new craze of “fapping” among certain young people. Apparently this pastime often involves the viewing of questionable material involving young ladies in various states of undress.
Bewildered but consumed as usual by anthropological curiosity I asked one of my interns, Fingerless Joe to investigate and report back to me on this phenomenon. ( Fingerless Joe was once himself in the thrall of that evil vice known as masturbation until he lost all ten of his fingers to a nasty stage diving accident involving a 12 inch Zildjian splash cymbal at an all-ages punk/ $2 schooner night at the Manly Fishos Club in 2004)

The Australian Censorship Board (How is this even still a thing?!) decided a few years back that “images of small-breasted women” somehow/almost constituted child pornography and have therefore banned any images or movies containing them. Australians being an obedient lot, and not wanting the government to be burdened with the need to build hundreds of new prisons to punish all the offenders, we quietly accepted the wisdom of our betters.
Therefore ladies if you happen to have small breasts, I suggest only getting undressed in a darkened room lest you find yourself catching a glimpse of your own tidy morsels and slipping into degenerate or antisocial behaviour. If you are a man and your wife/girlfriend/sister/ mum/tinder date has anything less than a pair of solid “C” cup boobs, you may want to just take a plastic spoon and gouge out your own dirty rock-spider eyeballs before you incur the wrath of Those Who Watch Us All In Canberra.

Conservative Religious Arse-hats attack The Arts again, sigh…

Tuesday, April 26th, 2011

Welcome back fellow time-travellers!*

The Sydney Morning Herald reports the unsettling news that:

Artists could be forced to have their work classified before being displayed and some work could be blacklisted despite being legal, if recommendations to a federal inquiry into Australia’s film and literature classification scheme are accepted.

The Senate inquiry, launched by the conservative Christian Guy Barnett, has heard submissions calling for

any film containing full frontal nudity to be refused classification;

artworks and books showing nudity to be classified;

and all artworks to be restricted to certain age groups.

”Artistic merit” should be abandoned when classifying art.”

Senator Guy Barnett

hails from the Apple Isle of Tasmania, where he tried unsuccessfully to

prevent the decriminalisation of homosexuality in that state ( Poofters should be locked up!)

He also opposes stem-cell research (darn satanic science!),

a womans’ right to choose to have an abortion (get back in the kitchen!),

and he also wants to censor the internet (suprise, surprise).

The Doctor Maz Politician Rating System

advises that Senator Guy Barnett

has been rated



*Moving forward in time at a rate of 60 seconds per minute.

Viva Anarchy!

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

Greeting fellow citizens of our mighty Commonwealth of Australia!

(and the 1.5 billion people in China who wont be reading this because I mention Democracy and the Tiananman Square Massacre of June 1989)

Now I pride myself on being bigoted and ignorant, but one thing I don’t do is tell other people what they can or can’t do. Sadly it has always been true that politics (like real estate) attracts fuckwits and narcisstic bullies.

Which brings me to Stephen Conroy the Minister for Broadband, Communications and the Digital Economy.

Instead of doing something about the ridiculously long time it takes to download streaming video, the lack of decent web access outside major cities and crippling lag when playing FPS games on OS servers, this delusional arsehole imagines that massive censorship of all free web content is an essential priority.

This self-righteous tool also voted against womens right to have access to the so-called “Morning After” pill RU-486, further evidence of his clucking, fascistic Big Brother attitude.

The Doctor already tolerates enough condescending bullshit from the corrupt and inept shitheel gangsters who run the NSW government. HANDS OFF !

The internet has always been a place of Anarchy and free speech and thats the way (ah-hah, ah-hah) I like it..