Posts Tagged ‘dr. maz’

Invisible Friends and Feeling Good About Yourself

Friday, February 26th, 2016

Welcome back concerned citizens!

What if you were a member of a bikie gang and your comrades found out that you were molesting little kids?

Would they try to keep it quiet? (or kick you to death in a 7-11 parking lot?)

Maybe move you to a chapter in another town? (or take you out in the bush and make you dig your own grave?)

It’s fair to assume that there is more honour and justice in a group of tattooed outcasts than in organised religion. What delusion is society operating under that we tolerate this bullshit in the 21st century?

Religions and Charities are both colossal scams.

Churches, mosques and temples should not be getting an exemption from paying taxes, just because they are engaged in perpetuating their absurd superstitions.
If outlaw motorcycle clubs are specifically targeted by the police for some members engaging in illegal activities, then religious organisations should be targeted for some members raping children and randomly murdering civilians.
If the government had any balls, instead of pandering to the religious right-wing minority they would ban the spreading of this dangerous nonsense.

So-called charities should be stripped of their tax-exempt status if they cannot show that they are using their donations responsibly. The directors of any for-profit company would be lynched if they spent over half their income on administrative costs, yet these oily scammers routinely squander 40-60% of the money they extract from well-meaning people on themselves.

They are just rich beggars, sitting on a pile of cash while they urge you to dig deep in your own pocket for them.

You know those backpackers who pester you in shopping centres and in the city for “donations”? Those “paid collectors” personally keep fully 50% of the money you hand over to them.

So, say we donate $200 (of what you have left over after paying  our taxes) Рthey pocket $100 of that (for 8 pints of Guinness and a Happy Meal) later that day.

“G’day backpackers.”

Also, why are there hundreds of  cancer charities foundations instead of just one?

Would it not be more efficient to pool their resources if they were genuinely concerned with actually finding a cure instead of promoting themselves and there own self interest and vanity?

126,800 Australians were expected to die of cancer in 2015 – if the relatives of every single one of them started a new cancer charity that would be what we statisticians call “a fuck-load too many”.

See for yourself how much these crooks hypocritically line their own pockets below*.


*Or just send your donations directly to Doctor Maz, and I promise to only keep 25% (and not fuck any kids).

Season Greetings!

Thursday, November 27th, 2014

Season Greetings non-retards!

As another year draws to a dismal close, there is an apparent epidemic of idiocy throughout the world and I am constantly either amused or disgusted, usually both at the same time.

If I see you reading the Daily Telegraph, you are obviously so afflicted with crippling stupidity that I wonder how you got together the $2 to buy it.
If you buy one of those stupid things that squirt bug spray/ air freshener/ germicidal liquid automatically in your home you are an especially vile kind of cretin, and a likely future Darwin Award winner. The air inside your house is fucking fine already, stupid. How can there be a market for idiscriminately spraying clouds of toxic chemicals where you eat, sleep and breathe?

We Australians like to think that we are all brave young ANZACs, crocodile hunters and sun-tanned steely-eyed lifesavers, but the reality in 2014 is a nation of flabby, ignorant, bigoted, petty, selfish arseholes.

How else could Rupert Murdoch have persuaded so many of us to elect a reptilian semi-human pommy wing-nut like TONY MOTHERFUCKING ABBOTT to ruin the country?

Our political spectrum has drifted so far to the right that even Pauline Fucking Hanson has popped up again as persistent (and welcome) as genital herpes.

Our beautiful planet is beset with dire problems due the avarice of a cabal of evil scumbags while fear and greed are used as dogwhistles to prod the masses to stumble moronically through their selfish, pointless existences as the riders of the apocalypse loom ever closer behind.

Instead of doing anything about it, we are busy obssessing about Kim Kardashians ridiculous elephantine arse, getting a new iphone, or writing unfunny,badly -formatted illiterate self-serving blog posts that nobody will bother to read (hi mum!).

Pull up a chair, crack open a beer as we sit back and watch the flailing empty-headed masses slide into the cosmic abyss, oblivious to everything except their final pointless facebook status updates.

Merry Christmas everyone!
The Doctor

The Equatorial Redneck Theory

Tuesday, December 10th, 2013

Seasons Greetings citizens!

The Southern states of the USA are forever tied with redneck ignorant political attitudes, in much the same way we here in the Wonderful Land of Oz remember the corruption, racism and general backwardness of the Northern Queensland reign of Premier Joh Bjelke-Peterson and his cronies.

What is it about proximity to the equator and stupidity and bigotry? Is it the relentless heat, beating down on your reddening neck?

Now Queensland premier and former army major Campbell Newman is goose-stepping all over the rights of Bannana-benders, under the always handy excuse of “Cracking Down On Crime”.

I don’t know about you, but if I was involved in a criminal enterprise with a bunch of friends the absolute last thing we would do is all wear a uniform identifying us as members of that gang and travel together everywhere using the noisiest, most attention-attracting mode of transport. It’s not like Batman, where all the Penguins goons wear matching outfits and it takes the cops about .0001 of a second who figure out who robbed the bank using umbrella-guns.

So while Fuehrer Noddy Newman is grabbing media attention making all the bikers feel unwelcome in their home state, he can get back to fracking the shit out of the water table and erecting casinos or whatever dodgy schemes these hypocritical douche-bags get up to.

Like the pesky cane-toad this condescending, authoritarian bullshit creeps south of the border as Canberra and NSW are infested with ever more conservative right-wing arse-clowns and the systemic rape of the earth beneath our feet continues in an orgy of profit-grabbing, and the unique flora and fauna of the “Lucky Country” slip away forever.

The amusingly named “environment minister” just approved one of the worlds largest coal ports right next to the Great Barrier Reef!

And more coal-seam gas fracking!

Merry Christmas Australians!


Spill Your Seed

Thursday, January 31st, 2013

Hello again, Breeders!

It’s 2013. The world teeters on the edge of a precipice, overpopulation marginalises thousands of unique species of plant & animal. The relentless plague of humanity devours and despoils every finite resource, soon the earth will be calling last drinks for a party that started around the time of the industrial revolution and has now spiralled out of control.

What is a responsible government to do?

Baby bonus! Back-to school bonus! Have-a-few-more-fuckin-kids-why-dont-ya bonus!

Take hard-earned money from Australians who are not furiously breeding like erotomaniacal rabbits and give it to every fucking idiot who is too selfish or deluded to curb their retarded lust to procreate!

I have no opposition to everyone enjoying their sexuality – you should all go out and fornicate in a non-stop, insane, psychedelic sexual frenzy, but for C’thulus’ sake, dont have any more children. If you really must breed, have only one or two – replacement value.
Better still, use protection. Or shoot your seed somewhere it wont take root.
The future is here and it’s not looking pretty.
As my friend & colleague Doug Stanhope said ” Sodomy is green, and abortion is environmentally friendly.”


Freedom Of Choice

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012

Human-Induced Climate-Change is a load of bullshit.

Right now you’re probably thinking that I have recently suffered a devastating head injury or am in the midst of a peyote-induced state of dementia – has The Doctor lost his marbles? Has one of the great minds of the 21st century turned to soggy Weetbix?

Of course not. I don’t really know for sure about Climate Change, and more importantly, 10 years ago I don’t think anyone would give a flying fuck about what a non-scientist thought about some other scientists hypothesis. Suddenly everyone is rabidly conforming to opinions or schools of thought that they have assimilated through the media, and are ready to ridicule or lynch anyone voicing dissenting opinions.

C’mon people!

I might as well confess to being a knuckle-dragging racist or a slavering, semen-encrusted child-molester as a Climate Change Skeptic.
It used to be considered a reasonable, brave and intelligent thing to be skeptical about religion, and what is Science but the New Religion of the psuedo-intelligentsia? The most valuable real estate you can own is the space between your ears, so think for yourself and try to at least tolerate the opinions of others.

Remember kids- live free, drink beer, listen to heavy metal music and

This Sporting Life

Wednesday, May 9th, 2012

You are all winners!

I hate professional sportspeople.
The vomit rises in my mouth whenever I see those red-faced knuckleheads grunting, sweating and pulling those ridiculous faces.

It’s so… undignified.
It makes me furious that my tax money funds the Fucking Institute Of Sport so these cretins can get really, really good at some glorified childrens amusement. Eventually these moronic parasites will get multi-million dollar sponsorship deals, and they will gleefully pocket the money and their hideous faces will be plastered across cereal boxes and billboards.

Battalions of nutritionists, physiotherapists and child-molesters provide around-the-clock care and training for these gormless, preening buffoons so they can see who can run the fastest, jump the highest, swim, skip and prance… well they’re not exactly finding a cure for cancer, are they?

The Doctor would like to remind you all that the only proper sports are those that involve firearms or motor vehicles.