You are ALL special!

February 13th, 2012 by The Doctor

Dr Maz welcomes the stars-of-tomorrow!

It seems that there are a multitude of new career options for young people these days, because apparently everyone has simultaneously decided (just like your mum told you) that You Are Special!

Despite being almost impossibly stupid you are passably good looking and an adroit liar?       Then the fabulous life of The Actor beckons you, with the promise of mindless adulation and unwarranted wealth! While you are slogging away at acting classes, you will pass your days as a barista until your Big Break comes and you go to Hollywood to finally wind up as an inexpensive prostitute as your dreams lie scattered around you like the discarded syringes and condom wrappers.

Perhaps you are a bit of a dab hand in the kitchen, whipping up cheese on toast for your flatmates after a hard night on the cask wine? The inexplicable rise of that most 21st century phenomenon, the Celebrity Chef means that practically anybody (who isnt an anorexic or a meth addict) can enjoy the prestige and cook-book/kitchen-aid royalties of showing lagubrious dullards your culinary skills on the idiot box and (for the semi-literate fans) in print.

Always wanted the decadent life of sex,drugs & rock n roll, but cant hold a tune or tune a guitar? Become a DJ! Just find some “quirky” headgear and think of a clever DJ name then stand behind your mums old record player with one hand cupped to your ear, nodding in time to someone-elses-records! Wow, you are a fucking genius! Can I get you some drugs and a head job?

Are you completely lacking in any discernible skill or talent but still want to shirk working for a living and be adored by millions?                                                                                                                    Be a Model! All you gotta do is just stand there! Or sit (while pouting) or if you are really “talented” – walk 10 metres, turn around and walk back (while scowling).

The Goddard Scale suggests that

a person with an IQ of 51-70 is considered to be a moron (Actors)

26-50 an imbecile (Celebrity Chefs & DJs)

and 0-25 an idiot (Models).

Of course while everyone in the western world is busy getting their 15 megabytes of fame there will be no-one left to be the dental hygienists, accountants, mechanics, city planners or monorail drivers and society will collapse, everybody on the stage and nobody in the audience.

Thats Show Business!

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